Wisdom from Isolation- Reset!

This extended period of social distancing is unprecedented, and it brings to light things that we might need to re-balance. We’ve had to maintain distancing inside our homes and “6 feet” from everyone else. These are strong physical boundaries, but we also have emotional and spiritual boundaries.

Boundaries are about control and protection. In reality, we have limited control of the world. Anxiety grows when we realize our overall control of events is a bit of an “illusion”. What we can control are our actions/behavior, our thoughts and how we respond to events. In other words, the things we say “YES” or “NO” to.

We have choices. This “isolation” time has given us good reason to say “NO” to things. It also shows how much we may miss the “YES” interactions and freedoms that help us maintain life balance, wellness and ‘sanity’. Without the things that balance us we may have difficulty coping.

To help identify where that balance may be off, try this simple exercise. On a piece of paper make two columns.  On one side write all the things you miss and cannot wait to get back to doing when this time is over. On the other, write what you don’t miss; the obligations, relationships and tasks that you’re relieved to say “NO” to.  

​Is it okay to be happy about these “NOs”?   YES, it is!
The ones you don’t miss are your boundary red flags. You may need to let go or develop better boundaries with them. The “don’t miss” category highlights previous decisions to say “YES” out of guilt, unwarranted obligations and people pleasing tendencies (aka poor/porous boundaries). Think about how you can remove or scale the things on this side back. If this is a struggle, ask friends or a counselor for help on why you’re having trouble saying “NO”.

I recommend the Boundaries series by Drs. Cloud & Townsend (www.boundariesbooks.com) as a resource to help in working through the challenges. There are also good podcasts and YouTube videos like this one (https://youtu.be/rtsHUeKnkC8) on the subject of boundaries. Taking a little time to look at what really enriches your life can guide you to having the energy and peace to do the amazing things you are supposed to be doing!

Feel free to contact me for more information about this subject or other mental health topics!
Alyson Pertuis, LPC
APertuis@liferenewalcounseling.org
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/alyson-neeley-pertuis-mckinney-tx/358899

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