Boundaries and Work

Let's continue on our topic of boundaries and discuss work issues.  In our society of constant contact and mobile devices-- in addition to the a struggling economy where the thought of finding a new job might be terrifying -- maintaining appropriate boundaries in the workplace can be difficult.  According to Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, in their book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life, there are nine boundary problems that can occur in the workplace:

1.  Getting stuck with others' responsibilities.  There is a fine line between being a "team player" and being taken advantage of.  The difference is being responsible to others vs. being responsible for others.  An occasional favor is one thing, but if you're routinely doing another's work, you must calmly express your "no" to your coworker.  Don't try to explain, argue, or justify.

2.  Working too much overtime.  This is a good time to review your job description and decide how much overtime is healthy for you and your family.  Then, make a list of tasks you are responsible for over the next month and plan to meet with your boss to discuss which ones are a priority.  Focus on those priorities and let the rest go.  There will always be more work than hours in a day.

3.  Misplaced priorities.  You will be a more effective worker if you prioritize your tasks and do them to the best of your ability.  Saying no to the unimportant keeps the important top-notch.

4.  Difficult coworkers.  Remember that you only have the power to change yourself, so you must see yourself and how you relate to the difficult person as the problem.  Focus on changing your reaction to the other person. 

5.  Critical attitudes.  If you're especially sensitive to others' criticism, you may become hooked on getting the critical person in your office to "like" you... or at least become less critical.  This is where your boundary and not "owning" that criticism comes into play.  Avoid trying to win this person over or arguing with them.  You'll never win.  Instead, consider other options, such as confronting, following your company's grievance policy, or limiting your interaction with this person.

6.  Conflicts with authority or coworkers.  This might stem from unresolved boundary issues with your parents (or other authority figures) and/or siblings.

7.  Expecting too much from work.  Work is work.  Although you might have friends at work, these relationships are generally not intended to provide primary nurturing, or be the only source of love, acceptance, and approval.  ** Note:  not having firm boundaries and investing too much emotionally in work relationships can also lead to affairs and be destructive to relationships outside of work.

8.  Taking work-related stress home.  When we don't face work issues directly, we tend to take negative emotions home which, in turn, also take time and energy away from loved ones. 

9.  Disliking your job.  We were all created for a specific purpose.  If you are continually unhappy with your job, you might not be fulfilling your life's calling.  Determine your boundaries -- what defines "you" and "not you" -- and assess whether a career change or going back to school are in order.  This might seem scary, but it's worth it!

Remember, the best place to discover and practice boundaries is in a safe, supportive environment.  If it's time to work on your boundaries, find that safety and support at Life Renewal.