There's a new driver in our home, and there are few things that cause me to feel more out-of-control than being a passenger in a vehicle in which the driver is still trying to figure out what he is doing.  Don't get me wrong... he's a good driver, and I'm proud of myself for responding so calmly... for the most part.

But every once in a while, there's that primal, knee-jerk, fight-or-flight reaction that frazzles him and ages me about 10 years.  Isn't that just like life and, especially, parenting??  The ride is going along smoothly, until you hit a bump in the road and find yourself responding with a slowdown...SlowDown...SLOWDOWN!!!!

So much of what we face as parents is frightening, and as our children grow older the consequences of their actions become more serious.  Like 2 tons of metal barreling down the road serious.  And as much as there are times that I would like to grab the steering wheel and swerve us back on my course, that decision has consequences of its own.  Mostly, my trying to steer doesn't allow him to learn for himself and, let's face it... I'm not always going to be around to take control of the wheel.

In this season, my job is to ride shotgun, give guidance and direction, and impose consequences (take the keys) as needed.  It's not always a comfortable ride, but at the end of the road I hope to have an amazing relationship with a confident young man who chooses to do the right thing on his own and accepts responsibilities for his actions, both good and bad.  We'll take a few detours along the way, I'm sure, but isn't life about the journey and not the destination??

--Yolanda

The next step toward Extreme Self-Care is to learn how to let go of control. If you’re not sure if you have control problems, ask yourself if you:

• Feel the need to refold towels or reload the dishwasher so that it’s done the “right” way.

• feel like the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders

• chronically complain about how much you have to do

• dream about packing a bag and heading to a desert island

• find yourself crying, or feeling like you need a good cry, at unexpected places

• yelling at the dog, your spouse and/or child(ren), or at drivers in front of you who are driving the speed limit

• are so exhausted that the idea of brushing your teeth feels like too much work.




There are many reasons why people don't like to ask for help. See if any sound familiar...

* "I don't want to appear weak."

* "It takes too much time/energy to explain what I need."

* "I hate being disappointed when people don't follow through."

* "It's too much trouble to fight with family members who resist helping."

* "I don't want to hear no."

* "I don't want to feel indebted to anyone."

Behind these excuses is a desire to... yep, you guessed it... remain in control.

-- Adapted from The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson

www.LifeRenewalCounseling.org