Life Renewal Counseling

Here in Florida, and in much of the southeast, the weather has been rather rainy and gloomy.  As I type this, a tropical storm is headed our direction which means, of course, more clouds and rain.  To say the least, this has put a damper on summer in the Sunshine State!

I don't know about you, but too many grey days lead to a grim state of mind.  (This, coincidently, is why I don't live in the Pacific Northwest!  Way too many rain days there!)  After two or three days of rain, I find myself feeling a little down-in-the-dumps, both physically and mentally, and wonder if the sun will ever make another appearance.  

That's when I have to make an effort to make my own "sunshine".  I found a bright tangerine pair of pants that lift my mood.  I make sure to get extra rest, get some indoor exercise, play lively music, and surround myself with positive people.  I challenge my negative thoughts that perhaps I should brush up on the story of Noah and start building an Ark to save mankind from the next flood (a slight exaggeration!!).

What about you?  Does the weather affect your mood?  How do you create your own sunshine on gloomy days?

Did you know?? (According to Psychology Today's October 2012 issue):

1. We automatically give a gender to everything, even when doing so doesn't make much sense. Those who speak or have studied a foreign language can attest to assignment of gender to words.

2. A pair seems more nurturing than one. We associate the number 1 with autonomy -- stereotypically a male trait -- while the association that we make with 2 is that of relationship and community -- more feminine traits. 

3. Even numbers are less cognitively taxing. Think about how much easier it is to count to 100 by even numbers than it is to count to 99 by odd numbers.

Now you know!

Guidelines for staying strong while taking good care of yourself:

1. Buy some time.

When someone asks you to do something, put some space between the request and your answer. Before automatically agreeing, tell the person that you'll get back to them.

Second, let the person know up front that you may not be able to commit. Telling a person right away that you're cutting back on your hectic schedule takes pressure off you and encourages the person asking for help to consider other options sooner rather than later.

2. Do a gut check.

Check to see if the request that's being made of you is something you'd really like to do. Rating your desire on a scale of 1-10 might help, as well as asking yourself, "If I knew this person wouldn't be angry, disappointed, or upset, would I say no?"

Often, we respond to other's desires before considering our own needs. Certainly, there will be times that we do things for others we would rather not do, in order to be supportive of the relationship. Make sure these things are done to show love or strengthen connection, not out of guilt or obligation (which can lead to resentment).

3. Tell the truth directly - with grace and love.

-- Be honest about how you feel without over explaining yourself. Be genuine in your explanation, but don't give the impression that you're open to any discussion.

-- Stick to one or two concise lines about why you cannot fulfill the request.

-- Offer a recommendation, if you have one, as to how the person might be helped.

Remember, you are responsible TO others to tell the truth with respect and care, but you are NOT responsible FOR their emotions. Don't measure success by the response you receive from the other person, but by how you feel once your anxiety about the conversation disappears. More than likely, you'll feel a sense of relief!

-- Adapted from The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson

www.LifeRenewalCounseling.org

"Awareness is a powerful catalyst for positive change".

Become aware of the areas in your life that you feel drained and the ways in which you deprive yourself of what you need (sleep, exercise, "down" time).

What do you need more of right now?

What do you need less of?

Who or what is causing you to feel resentful and why?

Taking the time to answer these questions will help you gain greater clarity about what your soul needs most for care and restoration.

--  Adapted from The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson