On Pursuing My Child's Heart

My last post sparked some conversation in the Harper Home when I got my new driver's ok to post about him**.  Surprisingly, new driver's brother piped up and asked, "When are you going to write about me, mom?"  Sure thing, Bubba!

You see, this is my normally very quiet, low-key, compliant child who asks for very little.  Granted, we are officially in teenage-dom so dynamics have changed a bit, but this is the child who does what he is asked, completes school assignments without my having to check on his progress, and generally does not create strife or conflict in the house.  Because he does not demand the same kind of time, attention, and discipline as other family members, he's the child that easily gets "lost".  Did I mention he's also a middle child??  Poor kid!

So often, I get caught up in the challenges of raising the "spirited" and "strong willed" of my children that I forget that raising the "easy" child comes with challenges of its own; namely, that he's not as outspoken about his desires, dreams, wants, and needs.  And, to be honest, there are times that I create tension in our relationship in attempts to elicit communication about what's going on in that genius mind of his and make sure he doesn't get "lost" in the chaos.  

I think that we, as parents, so often have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and our children regarding our relationship with them.  I have some image in my head that quality time should involve x-amount of dialogue and certain activities, when this child really is perfectly content to hang out, watch a movie, and enjoy a meal with very little conversation.  I need to respect who he is as a person and be ok with us talking about his interest in video games or soccer before I tread lightly onto heavier topics.  

So, I'll grab the Doritos and you grab the remote, son.  Let's chill!
--Yolanda

** read about that here:  http://www.liferenewalcounseling.org/1/post/2013/01/that-out-of-control-feeling.html

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