Life Renewal Counseling

The next step toward Extreme Self-Care is to learn how to let go of control. If you’re not sure if you have control problems, ask yourself if you:

• Feel the need to refold towels or reload the dishwasher so that it’s done the “right” way.

• feel like the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders

• chronically complain about how much you have to do

• dream about packing a bag and heading to a desert island

• find yourself crying, or feeling like you need a good cry, at unexpected places

• yelling at the dog, your spouse and/or child(ren), or at drivers in front of you who are driving the speed limit

• are so exhausted that the idea of brushing your teeth feels like too much work.




There are many reasons why people don't like to ask for help. See if any sound familiar...

* "I don't want to appear weak."

* "It takes too much time/energy to explain what I need."

* "I hate being disappointed when people don't follow through."

* "It's too much trouble to fight with family members who resist helping."

* "I don't want to hear no."

* "I don't want to feel indebted to anyone."

Behind these excuses is a desire to... yep, you guessed it... remain in control.

-- Adapted from The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson

www.LifeRenewalCounseling.org

According to The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson:

"If you currently feel that you're not organized or grounded, there's a good chance that the peace of mind you long for lies in your ability to create a natural rhythm in your life..."

Creating routines can be a "surprisingly powerful act of Extreme Self Care."

These routines can be formed in both your personal and professional life, such as:

* Going to bed and getting up at the same time every day.

* Working out at the same time each week.

* Scheduling a work meeting at the same time each week.

* Meditating

* Going for a walk

* Spending time with a loved one

* Checking voicemail and email at predetermined times during the day.

* Giving yourself 20 minutes at the end of the day to tie up loose ends.

Choose one thing and focus on it for a week. At the end of the week, ask yourself if the new routine has helped you feel more relaxed, less overwhelmed, and/or more productive.

www.LifeRenewalCounseling.org

Guidelines for staying strong while taking good care of yourself:

1. Buy some time.

When someone asks you to do something, put some space between the request and your answer. Before automatically agreeing, tell the person that you'll get back to them.

Second, let the person know up front that you may not be able to commit. Telling a person right away that you're cutting back on your hectic schedule takes pressure off you and encourages the person asking for help to consider other options sooner rather than later.

2. Do a gut check.

Check to see if the request that's being made of you is something you'd really like to do. Rating your desire on a scale of 1-10 might help, as well as asking yourself, "If I knew this person wouldn't be angry, disappointed, or upset, would I say no?"

Often, we respond to other's desires before considering our own needs. Certainly, there will be times that we do things for others we would rather not do, in order to be supportive of the relationship. Make sure these things are done to show love or strengthen connection, not out of guilt or obligation (which can lead to resentment).

3. Tell the truth directly - with grace and love.

-- Be honest about how you feel without over explaining yourself. Be genuine in your explanation, but don't give the impression that you're open to any discussion.

-- Stick to one or two concise lines about why you cannot fulfill the request.

-- Offer a recommendation, if you have one, as to how the person might be helped.

Remember, you are responsible TO others to tell the truth with respect and care, but you are NOT responsible FOR their emotions. Don't measure success by the response you receive from the other person, but by how you feel once your anxiety about the conversation disappears. More than likely, you'll feel a sense of relief!

-- Adapted from The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson

www.LifeRenewalCounseling.org

Part of extreme self-care is learning to say no to things that are not healthy for you. This means that we will let others down, something many of us are uncomfortable doing.

For the remainder of this week, we will look at some guidelines for staying strong in saying no while taking good care of yourself.

Your first priority in learning to place healthy boundaries, however, is to surround yourself with a support system that will make it easier for you "to tell and live your truth". These people can be a spouse, friends, or coworkers and will hold you up as you take your first wobble steps toward self-care.

Who will you turn to for support??

--  Adapted from The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson